5 Steps to become the perfect douchebag.
Be careful. Douchebags are running rampant in every sports bar, college town, and white suburban neighborhood. Avoid them at all costs. Or rabbit punch them in the neck. If you feel any burgeoning desire to become a douchebag, however, merely follow these 5 steps:
1. LOOK THE PART.
For extra points, wear a snapback hat. Don’t brush your teeth too often either. Don’t forget to get a tribal tattoo sleeve down AT LEAST down one arm, that way people can clearly identify you as not only having never traveled, but following trends without blinking, either.
2. ACT THE PART.
Looks are half the battle. In order to be a douche, you have to be an alpha male. Constantly make fun of your friends and be vengeful if they retort. Go to the gym and tan as often as you can or do the opposite by doing nothing but eating, getting high, and playing video games. Remove common courtesies from your actions; remove please and thank you from your vocabulary and replace it with the abbreviation “bro”. Walk down a corridor in the middle so no-one will be able to get past and then complain when people bump into you. Just be a complete dick to everyone you meet. Start a lot of fights.
4. LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
Throw your trash anywhere but a garbage can, people get paid to clean up that shit – make ‘em work for it. Give a middle finger to the hippies and polar bears by driving a gas guzzling SUV and take up as many spaces as possible when you park. When you drink, be sure to binge drink and throw around racial slurs like they are going out of style, because political correctness has gone too far. Be a compulsive liar so you sound more interesting. Chain smoke and break other people’s stuff. Never apologize and to hell with consequences!
5. EVERYTHING ELSE.
Laugh when people fail. Constantly remind people that you are ALWAYS right about everything. Think how can this situation help me? Hit friends unnecessarily, order the cheapest and girliest drink while out and start a fight with anyone who questions it. Get a boring job that gives you a few dollars to have an unfulfilled Saturday night out with your friends so you can spend Sunday showing off how drunk you were on social media. Get somebody pregnant, have a child that you raise badly. Repeat the cycle.
Some of the best advertising slogans.
I recently read an article touting some of the best advertising slogans in the world and I don't disagree, I just thought I would add my own spin on them.
1. McDonalds – “I’m Lovin’ It” - But it ain't loving me.
2. KFC – “Finger Lickin’ Good” - Depends if I washed my hands before dinner or not.
3. Subway – “Eat Fresh” - Fresh what?
4. John Deere – "Nothing runs like a Deere" - Unless I just hit it with my car.
5. Kay Jewelers – "Every kiss begins with Kay" - And Mary, and Janet, and Shelly, and Peggie.......
6. Skittles – “Taste the Rainbow” - Taste it? I can't even find it!
7. Staples – "That was easy" - Should be "That was annoying!"
8. DeBeers – "A diamond is forever" - And so is the debt.
9. Dr Pepper – “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?” - If you have to ask you haven't lived.
10. Ivory Soap – "99 and 44/100% pure" - At least they're honest about it, but what's in the other 0.56%?
11. Typhoo – “You Only Get an ‘OO’ With Typhoo” - Not necessarily.
12. E.F. Hutton – "When E.F. Hutton talks, people listen" - What was that? I wasn't listening.
13. Clairol – "Does she or doesn’t she?" - Does she or doesn't she what?
14. Nissan - "Built For The Human Race" - No Really?!
15. Energizer Batteries – "It keeps going… and going… and going" - And never comes back.
16. FTD – "Say It With Flowers" - Or sling an insult with weeds.
17. Chevrolet – "The Heartbeat of America" - It was until they moved to other countries. Have they not seen Detroit lately?
18. American Express – "Don’t leave home without it" - Thanks for the advice, but I can think of other things I would rather not leave the house with.
19. Nike – “Just Do It” - Actually it should be....Nike - "Just do it naked"
20. HSBC – “The World’s Local Bank” - Uh not quite, there isn't a branch in my town.
21. Chevrolet – "See the USA in your Chevrolet" - As long as it doesn't break down.
22. Alka Seltzer – "I can’t believe I ate the whole thing" - Neither can I.
23. Capital One – "What’s in your wallet?" - That is none of your business!
24. Gatorade – Is it in you? - Not anymore I just flushed the urinal.
25. Greyhound – "Leave the driving to us" - Of course that's why you hire bus drivers.
26. Zurich – “Because Change Happens” - So does s**t.
27. Panasonic – “Ideas for Life” - Now if your electronics only lasted that long.
28. Google – “Don’t be Evil” - Oops!
29. Maxwell House - "Good to the last drop" - What's wrong with the last drop?
30. Apple – “Think Different” - I already do.
Something I've always wanted to do.
Silly as it sounds, I have always wanted to form a capella group, (usually spelled acapella, but that is the incorrect usage) then go around to businesses and sing a tune, just for the heck of it. Hopefully we could make someone smile. However, anytime we go into a restaurant or a bar I think we should sing the theme song to Cheers. It would be so much fun!
Where Everybody Knows Your Name Lyrics by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo.
Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
And now you know. (Strange facts and other useless information)
1. Donkey Kong got his name because his creator believed ‘donkey’ meant ‘stupid’ in English and wanted to convey the impression that the haracter was a “Stupid Ape”.
2. The medical name for a butt crack is “intergluteal cleft”.
3. A duel between three people is actually called a truel.
4. The stage before frostbite is called “frostnip”.
5. The two tiny holes drilled in every BIC pen is to ensure that the air pressure is the same both inside and outside the pen, which helps the ink flow to the tip.
6. In South Korea there is an emergency number (113) to report spies.
7. Snails have 14,000 teeth and some can even kill you!
8. Sonic the Hedgehog’s full name is actually Ogilvie Maurice Hedgehog.
9. Even though Froot Loops are different colors, they all have exactly the same flavor.
10. Most toilet paper sold for home use in France is pink.
11. Marmite was one of most confiscated items at airports from the U.K. – to overcome this issue, Marmite made smaller ones for traveling.
12. The human nose can remember 50,000 different scents.
13. Daddy longlegs have penises, which technically makes them not a spider.
14. In 2015, a silver coin with Superman on the heads side was made which is legal tender in Canada. There was only 350,000 produced.
15. It took the creator of the Rubik’s Cube, one month to solve the cube after he created it; as of June 2018 the world record is 4.22 seconds.
16. Tigers have striped skin not just striped fur. The stripes are like fingerprints and no two tigers have the same pattern.
17. In 2005, a fortune cookie company called Wonton Food Inc. correctly foretold lottery numbers, resulting in 110 winners and an investigation. No fraud was involved.
18. Two PlayStation games, FIFA 2001 and Gran Turismo 2, has scratch & sniff discs. The FIFA 2001 smelled like a soccer field, while Gran Turismo 2 smelled like car tires.
19. If you die in Amsterdam with no next of kin, and no friends or family to prepare funeral or mourn over the body, a poet will write a poem for you and recite it at your funeral.
20. The Himalayan Honey Bee – the largest of the honey bees – makes a hallucinogenic honey that tribes collect.
21. In 2014, Sony made a cassette tape that can store 185TB of data!
22. The man who found the 5,000 year old corpse Ötzi the Iceman in 1991 (Oldest natural European mummy) was also found dead frozen in ice in 2004.
23. In 2014, a missing woman on a vacation in Iceland was found when it was discovered that she was in the search party looking for herself.
24.If you sneeze while traveling at 60 mph your eyes are closed for an average of 50 feet.
25. Expedia.com, Hotels.com, Hotwire.com, Trivago, Travelocity, and Orbitz are all owned by the same company, Expedia Inc.
26. Before the term “bloopers” was coined, ‘out-takes’ were called ‘boners’.
27. Baked beans are actually not baked, but stewed.
28. The term ‘footage’ comes from films being measured in feet, when being edited in the early days of film making.
Sometimes I need some death and destruction.
It’s a given that I am a geek, but I am also a guy and sometimes I need some death and destruction. I think it’s hard wired in a guys brain to one degree or another. For the record, it does not make us crazy or ab-normal in any way. Granted, there are some guys to which that statement does not apply, but if it were untrue then we would all be serial killers, premanent prison inmates, and / or full time mental institute residents.Guys have their different ways of filling the death and destruction void in their lives and my way, is to play a game on steam called “American Trucking Simulator”. The premise of the game is that you own your own trucking company and you work to build the company into a trucking empire. That in itself is harmless enough, until I get behind the wheel of my Peterbuilt 18 Wheeler. I purposely speed, take crazy chances, and run into other vehicles, cars, buildings and people. However, despite all the death and destruction I still manage to make a few dollars here and there.Would I do that in real life? No! Do I enjoy doing it on the game? Yes! That being said, I am smart enough to know that it is not possible or even remotely right to do that in real life. However, it does satisfy a primal need in me to be able to break all the rules and take risks. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t. Actually, most of the time it doesn’t, but that’s ok. All I have to do is stop off at a repair shop, have my truck fixed, (in record time might I add), maybe sleep a little and I am ready to go again.How many of you play games or do other activities for the very same reason? I would be curious to know, please let me know in the comments section for this post.
I grew up without a T.V. so when I did watch anything it was on a neighbors T.V. There were two shows I was always happy to catch and as old fashioned as it may be, it was The Waltons, and Grizzly Adams.
Anyway, I purchased the DVD's for The Waltons and it really makes me think about life, family, loyalty, and other things about family life. One thing that really stands out to me is that even though they were dirt poor, they were a family that stuck together through thick and thin, they looked out for each other, and they took care of one another even if it meant sacrifice for them.
I know times change and things progress, but it's too bad that those things seem to have changed in general. I know there are exceptions to my observation, but it's a shame that it doesn't seem to be the norm any longer.
Life Gone By.
When I look at this house I can almost see and hear the people that lived here.
There were grandfathers, fathers, sons, grandsons, nephews, grandmothers, mothers, daughters, granddaughters, nieces, cousins, and friends that lived there or visted.
At one time the walls of this old house supported more than just the roof. The walls were there for the good times, bad times, love, hugs, kisses, sex, the smell of baked goods, and yes even fights. In a word, this house supported life.
Oh what secrets (good and bad) this house must hold? How many generations have come and gone? Yet, when it’s all said and done this is what’s left. This house will never host occupants again, the love, laughter, fights, visitors, and voices are gone, never to be heard again.
There are a number of businesses that declared their affliation with the Christian religion. When you come up with the list, you’ll probably include Hobby Lobby and Chick-A-Fill.
Not only do these stores shut their doors on Sunday, to give their employees a mandated day of rest, but they also ascribe to other religious principles as well. But one restaurant in North Carolina proves that they take their commitmentto the principles of religion by offering a generous discount to any customers who offer a prayer before enjoying the bounty of their meal. The restaurant is located in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
And when a server at Mary’s Gourmet Diner notices customers praying at the table before a meal, they make sure to give a 15 percent discount on the bill. Owner Mary Haglund attests that the discount is nothing new but something she has been givingto her praying customers for four years.
Mary doesn’t advertise the reduction in price. She prefers to have it happen organically. She wants to reward people who pray in her restaurant and give them a little surprise when they get the bill at the end of their meal. In a way, it’s her way to bless them in return for bringing prayers into her establishment.
Jordan Smith noticed his discount when he offered a prayer before his meal. As a faithful customer, he
shared a photo of his receipt on Facebook and gave credit to Mary for being so generous. Before long, the world discovered Mary’s discount and Orlando radio station Z88.3 Orlando shared the image to their followers.
The receipt showed a subtotal of $40.50, but after the 15 percent “praying in public” discount, Jordan
Smith’s bill dropped substantially. Smith said she had no clue the diner was so generous with its religious customers. “(We) prayed over our meal and the waitress came over at the end of the meal and said, ‘Just so you know, we gave you a 15 percent discount for praying,’ which I’d never seen before,” Smith told HLN.
Nevertheless, Smith believed that Mary deserved attention for her policy and shared an image of the re-
ceipt online. She never expected the response that followed. “I just innocently posted it to my Facebook page, and it’s been really fun to see where it’s gone from there.”
Although Mary is happy that the public adores her praying policy, she just wants there to be more good
in the world. In an interview with The Blaze, Mary said: “For me, every plate of food is a gift. And I never take that for granted, and when I see someone in a restaurant honoring their gratefulness at my table, it touches my heart.”
Mary describes herself as a very spiritual person. “We are so fortunate in this country. It’s just a moment of faithfulness about the plate of food.” If giving a 15 percent discount encourages more gratitude, Mary is all for it. She hopes her policy inspires others to pray more.
What do you think about this restaurant policy?
Name That Tune....Er...That Sound.
Some of us have heard of the old game show, "Name That Tune". Well this is, "Name That Sound". Comment below with what you think it is. Hint: It's not static.
Is it worth it?
We are in the process of selling our house and becoming mortgage free. Henceforth, I have been thinking was it really worth it? Was it worth the heartache, pain, debt, sweat, tears, and stress, just for a box made out of wood?
For starters the word mortgage is a French Law term meaning "death contract", which means that the pledge ends (dies) when either the obligation is fulfilled or the property is taken through foreclosure. Other explanations state the same, but instead of the pledge dying it is the “homeowner”, which I think is more common.
According to Zillows July 2019 data analysis, only about 37% of U.S. households are “free and clear,” meaning they no longer have a home mortgage to pay. 37% is not that good, and how many times is the same house sold over and over? Who really makes all the money? It certainly is not the “homeowner” or in most cases their beneficiaries either.
Think about it, even if the house is "free and clear" there are taxes and fees that have no purpose, but to feed the power hungry, money grabbing, banks, mortgage companies and government officials. If you sit down and really take a look at the numbers, their goal is to keep the 'homeowner" in as much debt as possible for as long as possible. Notice I use quotes around the term "homeowner"? That is because you truly never own the home or the property it sits on.
Furthermore, the taxes are never-ending and constantly rising. If you truly owned the house and property then you shouldn't have to keep paying taxes on them if and when you pay the mortgage off and you should be able to stop payment of the governments yearly rent so-to-speak and not have the house and property stolen from you.
During the time you have a mortgage the bank and / or mortgage company actually owns the house and property, not you. However, they call you the "homeowner", which makes you solely responsible for the heartache, pain, debt, sweat, tears, and stress for a big wooden box. You are essentially just paying them for the privilege to live in their house.
So far, I have avoided a 2nd mortgage in order to keep the big box of wood livable and insurable despite rising costs, fees, and taxes. However, that is not the norm, considering many “homeowners” of 1st mortgages also have a 2nd mortgages, which equates to very little, if any equity for the “homeowner”. Then when they sell, who again makes all the money? You guessed it…..the banks, mortgage company, and the government.
If my case, I crunched some numbers using our first mortgage payment, length we have paid, and didn’t count maintenance and repair costs or the rise in taxes and fees over the years. We also have refinanced to lower the payment, which keeps creeping back up anyway. So the following numbers are as if I had kept the original mortgage and kept paying on it.
Length of mortgage: 30 years.
Amount of mortgage: $125,000.00
Starting mortgage payment a month: $702.00
Length of time we have paid a mortgage: 18 years.
Amount we would have paid so far: $151,632.00
As you can see a little more than halfway through the mortgage we would have already paid back the original amount (in raw numbers), and more with another 12 years to go.
Makes you wonder who is really making all the money on your blood, sweat, and tears doesn't it? I know some people are going to point out the "tax cut" you get for the interest on the mortgage, but when it comes to the government giving you something in any way, it is not without them taking from another or getting it from you another way.
Personally, I have done some reflecting and can honestly say, for me the mortgage was not worth it. I missed out on a lot of my kid growing up, my health has suffered, and it's never enough. I am a totally different person today, than I was when we got the mortgage and have gone through below hell and back for this stupid wooden box.
Think of how much I could have in savings if I had put a “house payment” in the bank and not given it to the mortgage company. If I had to do it again and finance something I would purchase an R.V. and only rent space to park it. That way when it was paid for, I would actually have somewhere to live that I owned, no matter where I was.
Don’t get me wrong I think homeowner ship is not bad, except for the fact that you never really own your house and property if you even live long enough to pay off the mortgage. Remember, the “homeowner” will always come out on the short end of the stick financially, physically, and mentally. And until things change it’s only going to get worse. I don’t begrudge someone making money in the capitalist system, but when it gets to the point that it is at the expense of a person and / or family then it is wrong.
Division is going to be our downfall.
Our forefathers intended to preserve our consitutional republic and everything it stands for, by putting things in place that would hopefully withstand the test of time and what they could not foresee in the future. Granted, there have been advancements and events since then, that nobody could have seen coming, but the principles still remain the same. I am reminded that Alexander Hamilton once called political parties "the most fatal disease" of popular governments. And as true as that is, Thomas Jefferson believed it was a mistake not to provide for different political parties in the new government. “Men by their constitutions are naturally divided into two parties." he wrote.
(Yes, I do know that there are other parties in our political system and why they do not receive the coverage, funding, or even promotion as Democrate or Republican Parties do, is another post.)
The Constitution's framers viewed political parties as a necessary evil. But in 1787, when delegates to the Constitutional Convention gathered in Philadelphia to hash out the foundations of their new government, they entirely omitted political parties from the new nation’s founding document. This was no accident. The framers of the new Constitution desperately wanted to avoid the divisions that had ripped England apart in the bloody civil wars of the 17th century.
And where are we today? Right back where we started, minus the actual war, but a civil war just the same. There has been bloodshed already, and all it's going to take is one little incident and we will have another "shot heard around the world" so-to-speak.
We have all heard the saying, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." and I think that is our greatest danger right now. Our country has now been reduced to "us" versus "them" no matter what side of isle you hale from. At this point in history, I see America as a house of cards with one support teetering back and forth. faster and faster, as the division gets wider and wider.
I once posted that people were forgetting September 11, 2001 and received all kind of responses such as, "I can't forget! I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing." or "I had a relative killed I will never forget!" and true as that is, the fact is, we have forgotten the unity we had as a country that day and in some of the days following.
At that point it didn't matter if someone was affliated with the Democratic Party, Republican Party, Constitution Party, Libertarian Party, or Green Party. There was no concern about who was Conservative, Liberal, Black, White, Jewish, Hispanic, Asian, Gay, Straight, Male, Female, Christian, Atheist, or whatever else seems to divide us these days.
The fact is, at that moment we were all united into one party, "The American Party." All we cared about was "Our Country" was attacked and "Our fellow Americans" were killed at the hands of those who want to destroy us. Now we are poised to destroy this country ourselves, if this division is not set aside and we go back to just being Americans.
Bad News: Scientists say the world will end this week!
The United Kingdom will be plunged into a deep freeze this week as global flooding ends human civilization in an orgy of death, starvation, and war.
That shocking news comes from a 2004 report in The Guardian, which says climate scientists have proven the world will end in ecological disaster by 2020.
“Climate change over the next 20 years could result in a global catastrophe costing millions of lives in wars and natural disasters,” The Guardian reported Feb. 22, 2004.
“A secret report, suppressed by US defence chiefs and obtained by The Observer, warns that major European cities will be sunk beneath rising seas as Britain is plunged into a 'Siberian' climate by 2020. Nuclear conflict, mega-droughts, famine and widespread rioting will erupt across the world,” The Guardian continues.
So bad news if you made New Year’s plans. Bring a life vest.
If you’re wondering why someone would make such an outlandish claim, The Guardian explains it without realizing.
“The findings will prove humiliating to the Bush administration, which has repeatedly denied that climate change even exists,” The Guardian reports.
Later, The Guardian lays out how the report will be used to advance the presidential campaign of then-Democrat nominee Sen. John Kerry.
“So dramatic are the report's scenarios, Watson said, that they may prove vital in the US elections. Democratic frontrunner John Kerry is known to accept climate change as a real problem. Scientists disillusioned with Bush's stance are threatening to make sure Kerry uses the Pentagon report in his campaign,” The Guardian reports, giving away the game.
By casting defense as an environmental issue, the Pentagon can increase its budget by accessing “climate” funds.
It’s just the latest in a series of embarrassingly inaccurate predictions from climate “scientists,” who all claim “the science is settled” and “there’s nothing to debate” about their political agenda – even though all of their “settled science” predictions have been debunked.
Animals are undoubtedly important to humans and humans are important to animals in one form or another as well. After all, humans are technically animals too.
All animals can show love, hate, anger, sadness, self preservation and compassion to some extent. The first thing we think about are dogs and cats, while that is certainly true, dolphins, elephants, pigs, lions, and even chickens have been known to show compassion and / or interact with humans in a seemingly friendship manner. If you break it down to the basics it could be the old, “I need something from you and you need something from me” or “you scratch my back and I will scratch yours” so-to-speak.
I remember when my oldest son was little, he took care of our hens and he would hold them like pets. He would pet them, kiss them, pick them up and carry them around. They wouldn't struggle or fight and seemed content the entire time. If he didn't pick them up one time they would follow him around and jump in his lap when he would sit down. Perhaps the chickens appreciated the kindness and in turn my son learned compassion for another living creature even if they were a bit different. On the flip side lions have been known to show compassion to humans, especially if raised from cubs, but at some point they begin to look at their human friend as a tasty meal.
Of course there are some animals that are just plain nasty to every other animal in existence, including humans. However, they have been known to show compassion to their own species now and then. And every animal can turn on any other animal and / or their own species at any time. Many animals will kill and / or eat their own.
Henceforth, there is no need to look any further than ourselves, after 17 years as a body removal specialist I am still amazed at what people can and will do to each other. So this begs to question how much is instinct or environmental? Meaning, how much is natural and how much is learned or reactive? Is it how they were treated and / or what was done to them? For instance I picked up a gentleman that had died in a locked house and he was partially eaten by his own dog! However, on the same token and same situation with another dead person the guys dog wouldn't let me near him and protected him even after death. I ended up having to throw a blanket over the dog to keep from getting bit and carry her out in the blanket like a bag full of laundry and let me tell you that’s not easy to do with a German Shepherd.
When our boys were growing up we had an Aussie / Chocolate Lab mix pooch named Bailey. She was the family dog and loved us all, but she protected and watched out for those boys as if they were her own. We live out in the country and they had a fort that they had built on our property. One day she was out there with them and “on duty” so-to-speak when my youngest son walked past her “doggie property line”, which was a line she seemingly established that the boys were not to cross. Interestingly enough it was, in human comprehension pretty close to the property line itself. Anyway, she came up behind my youngest son and bit the seat of his pants and dragged him back across the “doggie property line” and then let him go, but watched to make sure he went back to the fort. And when someone would come over to our house she would give them a “look over” and perhaps a sniff test. After that if she sat or laid down in front of them they were fine. But, if she ever laid or sat behind them, or between them and us, I knew immediately something wasn’t right and I do have to say, Bailey was never wrong.
I truly believe she loved us with all her heart especially “her boys”. She passed away from cancer and died in my arms. All I could do was hold her and tell her, “thank you for everything, for being our dog, I love you so much”. Some would say she didn’t understand, but anybody that has owned a dog would disagree. One would wonder what Bailey got out the relationship and humans may never know for sure what the motivation for dogs and / or cats to interact with humans in such a manner gives them, but I know she taught us plenty.